My faves

Current favorite Lincoln moment: 5:30 am or so this morning. you slipped in with me and your mom just before she left for boot camp workout. as soon as your mom left, you were awake and talked to me for an hour about spiderman 2 and 3. you told me how spiderman went bad and defeated the sandman. even better, when you asked me to turn on a cartoon and i told you they were sleeping. you just giggled and said if we turned them on we could watch them sleeping in their beds. you are such a ham.

current favorite Abel moment: singing with you all the time. you will bust out into song all the time now. it's so cute. i especially love that you sing carpenter's close to you with me. even better, when you finally kissed me back for the first time the other day. i love the "mmmaahh" sound effects. you are adorable.

current favorite Kobe moment: i love sending webkins gifts and notes back and forth with you. i meant it when i said you should come over and swim in my, i mean abel's, tweeter's pool. even better, seeing your sweet face poking out of all the blankets and stuffed animals surrounding you at night. i love that toothless smile.

i love you three so much. i can't wait to play out in the yard with you today.

Hey boys! It has been forever since my last posting. It's not because I didn't have anything to say. I'll be honest though, it's because I haven't felt like saying anything. The past year has been full of some of my hardest times and they have been weighing me down. This year is not starting out any better. Lincoln, you are always asking what kind of things you get to do when you're an adult but sometimes being an adult is not fun. Sometimes it means making difficult choices. I recently had to make the hardest decision of my life and even though I don't doubt my decision, it breaks my heart. I will be heartbroken about it until my last heartbeat. This past week has been my saddest by far. I woke up one morning and felt such despair that I have never experienced before. But each day has gotten a little easier, a little more hope coming back. Through this hard time, I have learned several important lessons but the one I want to tell you about right now is how important it is to have the love and acceptance and support of friends and family. I have had to rely on our family and close friends in some pretty desperate ways lately. Even though they could have gotten really mad at me or told me how stupid I have been, that is not the response I have gotten. Instead, I have heard nothing but loving words of encouragement. In fact, they have made a point of telling me how much they love me. It is such an amazing and humbling gift to not get the anger you deserve but to get the love you crave. This is what God is offering to us and it is an awesome blessing to get a glimpse in this life of what life with God will be. So please, promise me that especially when you are tempted to go through things quietly by yourself, don't. Don't deprive yourself of experiencing the love and grace of your support. Don't deprive your support the opportunity to express their love for you. I know I would consider it a joy to share in your joys but a true gift to help you carry your burdens. I hope I haven't been too difficult to live with lately. I love you all.