now i lay me down to sleep . . .

hey boys! so it seems like sleep issues run in our family. uncle bugsy peed in the fridge in his sleep when he was about kobe's age. once, while sleeping on the living room floor, grandma judy woke us up screaming because of a "lady in the doorway" who magically disappeared. papa lewis snored like an old, beat-up truck. i don't remember uncle matt having sleep issues but i will tell you some stories on him later. i could go on and on about your mom and me. we always shared a bed and cuddled in our sleep but our friends were too scared to spend the night with us. first of all, your mom sleeps with her eyes half open which is incredibly disturbing. AND she talks in her sleep! i'll just put it out there, she can be draining to sleep with. i have been caught sleepwalking a time or two and screamed myself awake on numerous occasions. (at least my eyes are shut when i sleep.) don't laugh too hard because you all fit right in. i caught kobe laughing in his sleep the other night. i have had to physically restrain lincoln in his sleep so wendy's kidneys would survive the night. and abel, if your crib wasn't padded i would be very worried about your flailing body at night. now we laugh and tease but dreams can be intense and seem so real. we've all been deeply affected by them at times. your mom was just wishing uncle bugsy wouldn't go on a fun trip because of a dream involving a 20 foot spleen. obviously he still went and so far his spleen is as it should be. now when i dream, i could swear it's real life and there are times when i wake up and i am pissed that it was just a dream. and there are times i am so relieved it's over that i could leap for joy if i wasn't still laying down. one of my worst came to me when abel was about 4 months old. i dreamed we were all in my apartment and these bats were attacking kobe and lincoln and your mom and i couldn't stop them, there were just too many. i was balling because i knew we had lost you both to the bats and you were so little and looking at us like we had failed you. then the dream switched and your mom and i were walking down the sidewalk with abel and i turned around to see a large white bat following us. it was ginormous - about 4 feet tall with it's wings folded in on itself. it was just quietly walking behind us but when i saw it i felt instantly sad like something was missing. when i woke up i went to the internet to try and find out what that was all about. now if you look up dream meanings you will get all sorts of answers. some say dreams are from stresses and hopes and fears. well if you look up bats, you will find several sites saying it's a bad omen meaning death. a white bat is particularly bad generally meaning the death of a young one. well that did me in. it was 4 in the morning and i was crying from the pit of my heart, my gut. no one was up and it still seemed so real even though i was wide awake. i just stared at abel for an hour and cried like i had already lost you all. later on i was able to share it with several people and the more i said it out loud the more ridiculous i felt for my response to the dream. i mean here i am a whole year later and fortunately none of you have been lost to bats or anything for that matter. the only thing that dream did was cause me some intense fear for a few days. i should have called out to my Father for comfort, especially since i have long passed the days of calling out to papa lewis. i missed an opportunity of getting to curl up and let God love me back to reality. my lesson is this: while i can't control my dreams or the emotions they cause in my sleep, i always wake up. in those first few minutes of coming back to consciousness, we can all thank God for the gift of another day and then not waste that gift on passing fears. i want to talk to you more about this but it's going to have to be later. i'm tired and i want to sleep now. good night boys. it's late and you all should be sleeping right now. i am lifting your little spirits up to God to protect. i am asking Him to send an army of angels to protect you at your most vulnerable.