WOW!!

hola boys! i can't believe it's been nearly three months since my last post. so much has happened since then and i can't begin to cover it all. hopefully it will all come out over time. i will be better at posting for you guys since i quit my job and now i'm going to school full time. but then there is the wear and care of abel and the distraction of super kobe and super lincoln. obviously i won't be able to post as much as i would like but still more often than every three months. anyway, there's something eating away at me right now that i want to write about tonight. i HATE when i'm with you guys but not with you. i hate that there have been times when i've missed the joy of living the experience with you because my mind has been somewhere else. sometimes i have been arguing a fight that hasn't happened yet or working out my finances in my head. sometimes i have been worrying about our fathers or mothers. sometimes i've been worrying about you. or worse, my job or people at my job. no matter what was going on in my head, i wasn't totally present in the moment with you guys and i'm sorry for that. i hope that you haven't felt less loved in those moments. i would shave every hair off my head rather than have you mistakenly get the impression that i do not think you are amazing and just flat out to-die-for boys. i love you all dearly. i promise to you now that i will make more of an effort to always live each and every moment with you. i will not let my mind wonder to places it is not physically at. i will not fight battles that don't compare to enjoying you. i will live the moment with you. i need to do this with everyone and in every situation though, not just you. i think this is even harder for a daydreamer/thinker. i often go off into my own little world and i have missed out on so much that's really going on around me. not to say that there aren't times that i need to set aside to sit and think and day dream. i need to work out some me time to figure things out. it's just the time for me to do that is not when i'm hanging out with you guys or at church (oops!) or driving (double oops!). you guys get the point. i think kobe, you will probably have the same problem. you are often in your own little world too. only your world is pokemon and ninjas, etc. those worlds can be so much fun. but it still doesn't compare to truly feeling and living the real thing. so keep dreaming and thinking and figuring things out, i will too but during my me time. don't ever miss out of the real thing because of living in your head. (that goes for me too! shame on me!)
just a quick memory moment i know you won't remember but i wish you could. tonight lincoln begged and begged to walk to the park by the school so we did. lincoln, you warned us that it was going to rain but we went anyway. sure enough, after about 15 minutes it started pouring down rain. we tried to wait it out with the other people there but it was obvious that it was not ending soon so we waited until it let up and started back. kobe and lincoln were already soaked from playing in the rain anyway. abel was pissed at me for not letting him run out there with them. anyway, kobe and lincoln found some amazing puddles on the way home and we were all wet anyway so i let abel out of his seat to enjoy the puddles. abel, you ran straight for the big puddle and sat in and it and started splashing and yelling "splash". it was too cute. i wish i had it on tape. kobe, you asked me if we could go back and visit that puddle after the next rain. how cute are you? lincoln, you were on your best behavior hoping to behave your way out of a double paddling. i think you did it too because i don't remember you getting your spank, now that i think about it. abel, you still screamed at me because you didn't want to do anything but go back to that puddle. but man it didn't take you all long to fall asleep tonight. my heart swells just thinking about you. i hope you remember tonight. i hope you can always think back to this perfect night in our not-so-perfect lives and know that you were loved and thoroughly enjoyed.